I’ve been overwhelmed and genuinely touched and humbled by the response and messages I’ve had about my blog. I’ve been described as inspirational and brave but it’s no false modesty to say I don’t feel either of those things. There have been days, and some very recent, when I’ve wondered if this was all too hard and if it would be better if I just went now. Days when I’ve struggled to find any joy in anything.
But I tell you what is brave. It’s getting up early every morning to let your wife’s carers in and looking after them while they’re here, then doing the same another three times a day. It’s dealing with all the workmen we’ve had here this week, making them countless cups of tea and coffee (25 one day!) while we live in the chaos of having our garden redone, a log burner installed, our utility changed into a wet room and a new toilet & sink put in upstairs- all at the same time. It’s doing absolutely everything that needs to be done around a house, and looking after the cats and dogs. It’s making and receiving numerous phone calls from healthcare professionals, utility companies, friends and family. It’s bearing the responsibility for and mastering how to use the pump that feeds me via a tube overnight, and the mechanisms that keep me safe in my wheelchair in the car.
It’s doing all this with love and good humour while looking after a disabled, terminally ill wife. Sue is the real hero in all this. She is the reason I get up every day and savour and cherish every moment we have together and consider myself lucky that I’ve had a few amazing, happy years with her rather than a life time of average. My reason for living and for fighting this cruelest of diseases with every ounce of remaining strength I have left. Sue has the biggest heart I know, she is the love of my life and my rock.