Letting go

I’ve been laid low the last 2 days with suspected tendonitis in my upper right arm. Absolute agony. I was unable to sleep for 2 nights as it was throbbing, even when not touching or moving it. Of course it would be my “good” arm, so yesterday Sue was having to lift drinks to my lips and tissues to my nose. (An insight into what’s to come, most probably.)

The GP came out yesterday though and I’m now on co-codamol and ibuprofen which has taken the edge off – both the pain, and me! Safe to say I haven’t been very good company, just ask Sue. (And forgive me if this post is a little more rambling than normal!)

So I’m lying here in bed, looking out the window. As it’s a hospital bed I can raise it nice and high and see out the window onto the fields and woods behind us, listen to the birds and watch the dog walkers.

That was me once. If you follow me on Facebook you no doubt picked up on our delight at having easy, beautiful walks literally on our door step. We can be in the fields in minutes, with the dogs off-lead, and several different routes to explore. I loved it. Yet within just a few months of moving here I was robbed of the ability to walk.

I’ve been robbed of my relationship with the dogs too. As I’m no longer able to walk, feed, play with and even talk to them it has inevitably changed things. I do what I can by giving them treats but it’s not the same and they don’t take much notice of me now. In contrast, they utterly adore Sue – a relationship I’m envious of but also delighted by, not least because one day it will probably be Sue’s saviour.

I used to watch the dog walkers with a pang of pain but that has passed now and I’ve made peace with letting it go. I’ve never let anger or bitterness affect me as there’s no point, but it still hurt at first. It wears off with time though and now I enjoy watching the dogs run around having fun. (Added bonus today, I get to see Benji and Blossom being walked by my very good friends Paola and Dave who very kindly frequently walk them for us. I’ve known Paola since our London days, back in the 90s – and haven’t been able to shake her since!)

The next big thing for me to process fully is having to give up our caravan in Pembrokeshire, which, as many of you will know, brought us so much happiness. I love everything about it and have literally never been happier than when we were there with the dogs: early morning walks up the hill, sussing the tides, bacon butties and cappuccinos on the deck, walks on the beach, chats with our lovely caravan neighbours, G&Ts watching the sun set, then falling asleep to the sound of the sea. Our little corner of paradise.

But…it’s no longer practical for us so we’ll have to sell up. I’m heartbroken and still struggling to accept having to let it go. This damn disease has taken so much already but this loss seems particularly cruel.

I’ll get there though. It’s partly why we’re having our garden redone, so we can enjoy the Spring and Summer sitting in it, enjoying the view. It’s nearly finished (will post photos!), now all we need is some sun.

And I need to give myself a good talking to and stop feeling sorry for myself!

Ps. C’mon Wales! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

6 thoughts on “Letting go

  1. Oh Sarah this was so heartbreaking to read. You really do need to give yourself a break as u are so brave. You really are an inspiration to us all. The disease is so, do cruel!! Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Once again Sar, an inspirational and uplifting read for myself. I’m looking forward to coming along and sitting with you in your little peace haven your garden, listening to the birds and taking in those stunning beautiful views of the fields. What we call your extended garden. Love to you my strong, wonderful friend. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What a tough few days! Hope the aim eases off soon. Losing your corner of paradise in Pembrokeshire will definitely be tough but I am so sure you will relocate that joy to your soon to be finished fabulous garden. Can’t wait for the photos!! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I can only commend your eloquence and honesty in this heartfelt latest blog. I hope you still get to go to the beach even though the caravan is nolonger practicable as the weather improves so you can breathe the sea air and watch the dogs playing. Your positive mindset is admirable. I am thinking of you and Sue xx

    Liked by 1 person

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